Dear Will,

A couple weeks ago you had a great night at the ballpark.  Your team was behind (and eventually lost, but that’s not a big deal).  You came to the plate and took a strike from the pitching machine they use for the 9-10 year old teams.  Then you hit a pitch into the outfield that allowed your teammates on second and third bases to score as you got to first.  Could you hear Gram and Pop-pop cheering at you?!  FAN-TASTIC!

As I thought about how good it must have felt to you when you got that two-run RBI single, I thought about some similarities between that and taking care of a family member.  I know, that sounds weird, but let me explain.

1.  You have to take care of yourself first.  As a baseball player, you know that you have to get in shape, practice sometimes, and focus on being your best on game day in order to do your job at the plate.  If you don’t take care of yourself first, you can’t expect to get to the plate and help advance your teammates around the bases.  Caregivers must do the same thing.  If the parent or child does not take care of themselves first, they will not be able to be the best advocate and caregiver for their loved one when it is their time to perform.

2.  You’re not in this game just for yourself.  You have a great altruistic spirit that will serve you well.  In second grade advanced reading, you gave up some of your time (and points) to help some of your classmates get ahead on their reading.  That’s the spirit of teamwork.  When you go to the plate, you must recognize that what you are doing, you are not doing just for yourself.  You hit that single in order to get your friends on second and third home for the scores – for the team.  Caregivers should keep in mind that what they do, they do for others than themselves.  And other family members should chip in to help the primary caregiver with the same team spirit, so that the primary caregiver can make it “home” with a feeling of lifted spirits sometimes.

3.  Develop  a conqueror’s attitude.  You are not a brash boy.  But athletes have to decide that they are going to more than meet the challenge posed by the opponents.  They must determine to see the ball, hit it well and make it on base before ever stepping to the plate.  Determine to succeed in the face of obstacles.  Become greater than the opposition.  Caregivers, who toil daily to provide for another, should try to develop this attitude – that they will not be overcome by the circumstances but will overcome them.  Even though there will be days that you strike out, this conqueror attitude will position you to keep coming back.

4.  Keep showing up.  You know, if you had decided to stay home and not play ball that night, you would not have hit that single and your two friends would not have gotten to run around the bases and cross home plate to the cheers of their families.  It is important to keep showing up to take your turn, help the cause, be known as reliable and up to the task.  This quality of reliability will make it easier for your teammates to respond likewise.  And if caregivers are known to be reliable, trusted to show up time after time and do their job well, the person cared for will become more at ease and relieved of worry that their care needs may not be met.

So, Will, your ball-playing and attitude went farther than your two-run single.  The qualities behind what got you to first base and your friends around to home plate would be essential qualities for anyone providing care for a family member.  Keep up the good work!

Love,

Pop-Pop